All I want for Christmas is an accurate thermometer

All I want for Christmas is an accurate thermometer

WARNING: Soapbox post ahead

Thermometers are stupid. 

I never thought I’d yearn for the efficiency of a good thermometer. Remember a few years ago, you’d tuck it beneath your tongue and it would take a bit, but an accurate reading would eventualize? 

That no longer exists. 

Thermometers are something technology has ruined. They seem to work great when the nurse waves it across your head at the doctor (the $200 version), but it’s crap at home. Although I will say that a nurse waved it behind my ear, saying it sometimes is more accurate there because it’s an area not so exposed, so even theirs is not full proof. 

We own three thermometers. THREE. Because each one failed us at one point or another. Our Kroger brand forehead thermometer has zero accuracy and instructions say to not place it on the skin, yet how far away do you wave it around the curvature of the forehead to get an accurate read? 

An ear thermometer seemed like an upgrade, but we didn’t realize it can only be used on the buddy system; the counterpart tugging on your ear and precisely guiding the instrument. Said buddy then pulls the trigger, which sounds akin to a nerf gun firing. This method is somewhat more reliable, but all options are prone to supply wildly different results if attempted multiple times in succession. 

So I decided to go old school, the under the tongue variety, when I had the flu at the beginning of November. Unfortunately, the 2019 version is inferior to the version I wanted – it takes literally one second to ding and spit out your temp. Seriously? You haven’t even shut your mouth yet. Your tongue has barely secured the device. If you try to wait until it’s securely in the correct placement, you can’t seem to click the button correctly to get it to work.

Who puts this crap on the market? How in the world do scientists think any of these devices actually work? Did anyone run trials allowing actual humans to give it a go? 

This is a device only used in times of illness, sometimes severe. We don’t tend to use them when we feel well. Does any manufacture realize that when we need it, it’s because something is wrong and preciseness is key?

It’s almost 2020 and you can’t find a reliable thermometer at the grocery store or CVS next to checkout.

This is not a rally cry to go back to mercury or stick it where the sun don’t shine. But seriously, I’ve got plenty of other things on my plate. I don’t want to worry about thermometers. 

And this would be a frustrating but not irritating, somewhat scary situation, if Brian didn’t have cancer. When going through treatment, any temperature 100.5 or higher requires a call to the doctor, no matter the time or day, so accuracy is vital. If it’s an after hours fever, a hospital visit may be necessary. 

So tonight we sat with all three sprawled out of the bed, using each multiple times. None of them replicated it’s own or the other thermometers’ readings. 

At radiation this morning we spoke for awhile with the nurse because Brian had potentially 100.5 last night, but it was hard to tell. We spoke to the doctor on call the night before radiation and he said he would have normally sent us to the emergency room, but we had an 8:30 appointment this morning and it would have taken us that long to go through the hospital process. He said to just talk to the staff today. 

By this morning the fever was gone and the conversation short.

So after today’s appointment, I scoured Amazon and bought the best reviewed thermometer I could find, which makes me feel better that tomorrow there hopefully will be one less thing to worry about. 

P.S. We received it Christmas Eve and it is a solid product being put to use multiple times daily. It really was the best present I could receive Right now: A little peace of mind.

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