The Blogaversary

The Blogaversary

A low-key year in the books.

That’s not the best descriptor of the 12 months since my husband was diagnosed with stage IIIa lung cancer. The diagnosis stripped me of my sense of security and sent us on a roller coaster we didn’t buy a ticket for.

We lost the assurance of peace. Happiness. A future.

I was scared. Angry. Cancer stripped the newlywed vibes we had going in our first months of marriage. Now I was just hoping for more time; a neon ‘Nothing Lasts Forever’ sign circulating through my brain.

At the beginning, watching his chemo-ravaged body deteriorate under the strain of treatment was terrifying. Wondering if he was still breathing. Wondering what I could do to make it better but feeling helpless overall.

I wasn’t ready for cancer. But who is?

Covid’s grand entry into daily life was about the time Brian’s body gave out and we wound up at the emergency room disturbingly early on a cool April morning a month after treatment ended. While the discovered pneumonia subsided slowly, Brian’s body did snap back into pre-cancer diagnosis form by the end of Spring.

He’s strong, resilient.

Brian’s life still has obstacles and bi-weekly immunotherapy but I am very confident the cancer will be what our oncologist suggested at the beginning – a treatable disease with occasional maintenance. A disease Brian can live with indefinitely.

Another positive, cancer forced me to live in the moment every day, something that’s never been my strong suit. Everyone knows nothing is guaranteed, we just don’t always live like it. We expect tomorrow. With a number of people I know being diagnosed with cancer this year, I am painfully aware we are getting to an age where a death is no longer a shock, so I need to actively enjoy the big and small moments.

Cancer, pandemic, social unrest and a crazy election cycle all in 12 months? Enough already.

November 11 is the anniversary of Brian’s diagnosis, which means this is also our one-year blogaversary. A blog I always wanted but never for a reason like this.

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