The Loneliness of Treatment

The Loneliness of Treatment

One thing that’s not obvious when you begin this process is the isolating effect of treatment. Let me say up front that it isn’t a bad thing, and it’s not anyone’s fault; it’s simply the way it is, at least for me.

When you’re doing very aggressive cancer treatment, it certainly takes its toll on you, and your reality changes pretty quickly. You go from feeling normal – well, as normal as anyone can feel – to constantly feeling fatigued at best to being completely wiped out and your brain barely working.

At first, I though “well, treatment will be very hard, but I’ll be able to rest and be at home for a bit.” The reality is that you don’t have the mental or physical energy to do anything that you actually like, so you end up essentially just, well, existing. This is the isolating piece of it, because lots of things you really like to do get cut from your daily life, and you end up doing what you can, which at times isn’t much at all. And because you feel so exhausted by chemoradiation treatment, real interaction with people feels like another thing that gets cut from your life.

A good example of what’s changed for me is that I haven’t played any of my instruments for a few weeks now, which is surreal. That is such a big part of who I am. But I’ve had to accept that who I am right now is rather singular – I’m fighting cancer.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: